Realizations and Changes

I had a revelation while watching soccer the other day.

 This is really nothing new for me. My brain is constantly ricocheting from one topic to the next and has done so since my childhood days. I am a person who, if asked, can exert intense focus on one idea or project for a brief period of time. If absolutely necessary. And usually to the detriment of everyone around me as I routinely shut out all external stimuli during these forays into forced concentration. Brilliant but directionless is the phrase typically used to describe me, though I have more direction than most people I know. What I lack is the ability to continue in one direction for any great length. I have twelve directions simultaneously, none of which coincide.

 So epiphanies of a life-changing nature are pretty much par for the course. But I digress, as usual.

 I was at work, enjoying some World Cup action on my lunch. Soccer keeps my attention because there is constant movement. My brain loathes stagnancy and waiting. On one television, Brazil was "lamenting its 11 billion dollar mistake". On a television about ten feet away, CNN was showing images of starving children in developing nations. Suddenly overwhelmed with rage and self-loathing, I texted one of my best friends. "This is called perspective, and now I feel disgusting." I thought about how I had enough money in my bank account to feed two people living at the global poverty level for an entire year. And yet I routinely purchased seven dollar toilet paper or ten dollar K-cups for my Keurig brewer. Only the day prior I'd bought a nine dollar salad from the store at work. The cost of those items alone was nearly a month's worth of groceries to someone else.

 I carefully considered how I claim to work hard for my money and yet all I could really own was sitting on my ass in front of a computer for eight hours a day. Earning more in a single hour than some people earn in a week. It didn't feel rewarding and suddenly, I didn't feel so very enthusiastic about soccer anymore. I asked Kurt, "how is this excess helping anyone?" And then I made the conscious decision to consume less. To get out of the almost negligible amount of debt I have. To start living on a principle of need instead of constantly caving to my unnecessary wants. Because if I can stop consuming and start sharing, if I can improve the quality of life for even one person for a single day, that will be repeated tenfold. I plan on documenting the process. It will be slow, and not nearly as earth-shattering as the juxtaposition of soccer and poverty in my brain on that Saturday. My husband is loath to leave behind our seven dollar toilet paper and twenty dollar candles. I think the long process of discovering just how little we really need to be happy will be much more rewarding than brand loyalty.

 The easiest and most obvious change will be the use and direction of this blog. There's that word again. The one that goes hand in hand with focus. I've significantly pared down my box subscriptions, and any reviews I do will only be for boxes that meet one of two criteria. They must either support and highlight small businesses and independent artists, or promote sustainable living. Changes around here will be slow and not drastic. I'm hoping to express more and force myself to document with absolute honesty. We'll see how it goes.